A panel of international experts has published a detailed report showing that our lovely planet is rapidly going to hell without even providing the common courtesy of a handbasket: *

Humans are damaging the planet at an unprecedented rate and raising risks of abrupt collapses in nature that could spur disease, deforestation or “dead zones” in the seas, an international report said on Wednesday.

The study, by 1,360 experts in 95 nations, said a rising human population had polluted or over-exploited two thirds of the ecological systems on which life depends, ranging from clean air to fresh water, in the past 50 years.

“At the heart of this assessment is a stark warning,” said the 45-member board of the Millennium Ecosystem Assessment.

“Human activity is putting such strain on the natural functions of Earth that the ability of the planet’s ecosystems to sustain future generations can no longer be taken for granted,” it said.

Well, I don’t see that we have any choice. The obvious answer is that we need to start exterminating humans until some of these things improve. Obviously, the humans who do the most damage will be the first to go. People who drill for oil. Fishermen. People who drive SUVs.

I drive a Jeep Liberty, but it’s only a V6. Obviously, we should first kill everybody who drives a V8 and then wait a few years to see if things don’t improve. But, hey, if they don’t — I’m definitely on the list.

Actually, the folks who put the report together don’t seem to have anything quite that extreme in mind. And they offer this interesting analysis:

A wetland in Canada was worth $6,000 a hectare (2.47 acres), as a habitat for animals and plants, a filter for pollution, a store for water and a site for human recreation, against $2,000 if converted to farmland, it said. A Thai mangrove was worth $1,000 a hectare against $200 as a shrimp farm.

Well now I’m starting to look at this thing from more of an entrepreneurial perspective. Look at the money that can be made buying out Canadian farmland and converting it to wetlands! And there’s an even better return for anyone who wants to start converting Thai shrimp farms to mangrove swamps.

I’m just not clear who’s going to be paying that money. And if there isn’t anyone willing to pay, what exactly does it mean to say that wetlands and mangrove swamps are “worth” that amount?

I have a feeling that the experts would argue that wetlands are worth the greater amount to the State, while farm land is worth the lesser amount to the farmer. So how exactly do the twain meet? I guess the trick is to buy up all the farmland (shrimp and otherwise) and sell it to the state!

Or maybe there’s some other way to realize that value. Something that I’m not thinking of.

Of course, if I go back to my original idea, the answer becomes obvious — kill the farmers.

UPDATE: Rand Simberg has some related thoughts.

*I have absolutely no idea what that means.

A panel of international experts has published a detailed report showing that our lovely planet is rapidly going to hell without even providing the common courtesy of a handbasket: *

Humans are damaging the planet at an unprecedented rate and raising risks of abrupt collapses in nature that could spur disease, deforestation or “dead zones” in the seas, an international report said on Wednesday.

The study, by 1,360 experts in 95 nations, said a rising human population had polluted or over-exploited two thirds of the ecological systems on which life depends, ranging from clean air to fresh water, in the past 50 years.

“At the heart of this assessment is a stark warning,” said the 45-member board of the Millennium Ecosystem Assessment.

“Human activity is putting such strain on the natural functions of Earth that the ability of the planet’s ecosystems to sustain future generations can no longer be taken for granted,” it said.

Well, I don’t see that we have any choice. The obvious answer is that we need to start exterminating humans until some of these things improve. Obviously, the humans who do the most damage will be the first to go. People who drill for oil. Fishermen. People who drive SUVs.

I drive a Jeep Liberty, but it’s only a V6. Obviously, we should first kill everybody who drives a V8 and then wait a few years to see if things don’t improve. But, hey, if they don’t — I’m definitely on the list.

Actually, the folks who put the report together don’t seem to have anything quite that extreme in mind. And they offer this interesting analysis:

A wetland in Canada was worth $6,000 a hectare (2.47 acres), as a habitat for animals and plants, a filter for pollution, a store for water and a site for human recreation, against $2,000 if converted to farmland, it said. A Thai mangrove was worth $1,000 a hectare against $200 as a shrimp farm.

Well now I’m starting to look at this thing from more of an entrepreneurial perspective. Look at the money that can be made buying out Canadian farmland and converting it to wetlands! And there’s an even better return for anyone who wants to start converting Thai shrimp farms to mangrove swamps.

I’m just not clear who’s going to be paying that money. And if there isn’t anyone willing to pay, what exactly does it mean to say that wetlands and mangrove swamps are “worth” that amount?

I have a feeling that the experts would argue that wetlands are worth the greater amount to the State, while farm land is worth the lesser amount to the farmer. So how exactly do the twain meet? I guess the trick is to buy up all the farmland (shrimp and otherwise) and sell it to the state!

Or maybe there’s some other way to realize that value. Something that I’m not thinking of.

Of course, if I go back to my original idea, the answer becomes obvious — kill the farmers.

UPDATE: Rand Simberg has some related thoughts.

*I have absolutely no idea what that means.