I won’t attempt to add to Barry’s thoughts on why superintelligence would be a good thing for us, but I can shed some light on the equally important question of whether Superman is super-smart in addition to being super-strong, super-fast, etc. The question was answered indirectly in one of the greatest “imaginary” Superman stories of the silver age (imaginary stories being stories that weren’t part of the normal DC comics continuity): The Amazing Story of Superman Red and Superman Blue. In the story, Superman is confronted by leaders of the survivors of Krypton (living in a bottle in his arctic fortress) who point out that he has failed to solve the major problems that he’s been charged with, including that pesky business about crime and evil.

In an attempt to get a better handle on the problem, our hero hooks himself up to a brain evolution machine which he hopes will give him the requisite super-smarts:

A side effect of the machine is that it splits him into two Supermen (color-coded per the title) who proceed to figure out solutions to all the world’s problems and pretty much bring an end to not only Superman’s career, but the career of all superheroes and other crime-fighters. So you can see why this story was never made part of the regular continuity! However, even though the story itself never took place, it’s premise was based in the normal continuity. So therefore I think we can conclude that Superman is not superintelligent.

Thanks for your attention.

UPDATE FROM STEPHEN:

I have a great counter-example of a story where Superman did claim superintelligence:

Now I guess that since Superman was being shamelessly used to shill for Radio Shack, most comic fan-boys would probably call this story “imaginary” too.

I’d beg to differ. I was one of those kids who got a free copy of this comic, and I loved it. Here’s why…

Superman temporarily loses his superintelligence and he had to get help from normal kids (like me!) armed with TRS-80′s. Man, that just geeked me out! Whenever the subject of Superman came up – which was quite often with ten-year-old boys in 1980 – I’d always ask the other guys if they knew that Superman was supersmart too.

For me, this was canon.

H/T to Ye Olde Comick Booke Blogge (which, oddly enough, is not safe for work or family).

UPDATE FROM PHIL:

Okay, I stand corrected. The brain intelligence machine must have worked to push Superman beyond super-smart into some level of, like, way ultra smart.

The important thing is that we’re finally dealing with substantial issues on this blog!

YET ANOTHER UPDATE FROM PHIL:

Come to think of it, both Superman and the Flash consistently display one variation of superintelligence — the ability to think very fast. Superman can have an entire internal monologue going on while chasing down a speeding bullet; the Flash frequently does the same kind of thing. Since I don’t think Stephen has an old Flash comic ready to prove me wrong, I’m going to assert that the Flash was never declared to be super intelligent. (Although the silver age Flash, Barry Allen, was a very smart guy.) However, by being able to think much faster than normal human beings, the Flash was doing what we expect a simulated brain in a silicon substrate to be able to do — think at the same speed we do, subjectively speaking, but with that subjective time taking a lot less actual time.

So the Flash can solve any complex problem that can be solved by trial and error in the blink of an eye — not because he’s thinking “better” than the rest of us, but merely because he’s thinking faster.

Super-fast = super-intelligent.

Scientists unearth Superman’s “kryptonite”

LONDON (Reuters) – Kryptonite, which robbed Superman of his powers, is no longer the stuff of comic books and films.

A mineral found by geologists in Serbia shares virtually the same chemical composition as the fictional kryptonite from outer space, used by the superhero’s nemesis Lex Luther to weaken him in the film “Superman Returns.”

“I was amazed to discover that same scientific name written on a case of rock containing kryptonite stolen by Lex Luther from a museum in the film Superman Returns,” he said.

The article goes on to say that the substance is white in color. When talking about kryptonite, people generally think of the green stuff. But it actually comes in a variety of colors and types. Wikipedia tells us the following about white kryptonite:

Kills all plant life, whether Kryptonian or not. Induces decay immediately upon exposure, with a range of about 25 yards. The most prominent use of this variety in the comics was to destroy Virus X, which was revealed in a storyline in 1968′s Action Comics #362-366 to actually be a form of plant life.

Well, that sounds pretty bad. Not quite as bad as I feared, though. Come to think of it — with summer coming — if I had some of that white kryptonite, I bet I could save plenty on this stuff…

Scientists unearth Superman’s “kryptonite”

LONDON (Reuters) – Kryptonite, which robbed Superman of his powers, is no longer the stuff of comic books and films.

A mineral found by geologists in Serbia shares virtually the same chemical composition as the fictional kryptonite from outer space, used by the superhero’s nemesis Lex Luther to weaken him in the film “Superman Returns.”

“I was amazed to discover that same scientific name written on a case of rock containing kryptonite stolen by Lex Luther from a museum in the film Superman Returns,” he said.

The article goes on to say that the substance is white in color. When talking about kryptonite, people generally think of the green stuff. But it actually comes in a variety of colors and types. Wikipedia tells us the following about white kryptonite:

Kills all plant life, whether Kryptonian or not. Induces decay immediately upon exposure, with a range of about 25 yards. The most prominent use of this variety in the comics was to destroy Virus X, which was revealed in a storyline in 1968′s Action Comics #362-366 to actually be a form of plant life.

Well, that sounds pretty bad. Not quite as bad as I feared, though. Come to think of it — with summer coming — if I had some of that white kryptonite, I bet I could save plenty on this stuff…

BRIDPORT, Vt. – The cows at the Audet family’s Blue Spruce Farm make nearly 9,000 gallons of milk a day — and about 35,000 gallons of manure.

Turns out that manure can be converted into enough methane to heat 300-400 Vermont homes. And by-products include a soft dry material that can serve as cow bedding. Which is fine, because the rule is don’t crap where you EAT. I’ve never heard anyone say don’t sleep where you crap, especially not to a cow.

The article doesn’t mention emissions, and I don’t know offhand what kinds of emissions are produced from burning methane. But I do know that cow manure left to ripen naturally on the vine (or rather, in the field) adds to the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. Methane doesn’t get the same press that CO2 does, but it’s a greenhous gas. Apparently, there is a case to be made that burning cow-pie methane actually helps clean up the environment.

All this while producing renewable energy that didn’t require burning any fossil fuels. Plus the Audet family is making lots more money from their dairy farm now that they’ve added the brown product line to the traditional white.

Now that ain’t just pie in the sky, folks.

Personally, I think it was a mistake introducing the character of Lois Lane to Smallville. Superman and Lois should meet up later in life. At this age, Clark should be all about Lana. Not that I’m complaining about the casting choice. She makes a very convincing Lois.

Nor do I mean to imply that she doesn’t belong on the Smallville universe. I mean, look at her. She could have played a young Wonder Woman. Not to suggest that Wonder Woman should be young, mind you, as in adolescent. She’s an immortal. Even though Clark is just a kid, Diana could be the same Wonder Woman who fought in World War II. I don’t follow Smallville well enough to know whether they have yet introduce the character. I know that a young Aquaman and the Flash and the Martian Manhunter have appeared. Still, meeting up with a 2,000 year-old Amazon process would be a unique growing experience for Clark…especially if she looked like that.

Oh, and here’s the original blog entry, for anyone who was looking for that: SUPER Sleaze Glenn Reynolds should be ashamed of himself, peddling flesh under the guise of “sweeps week.” Around here, we’re too busy with our fun, family-oriented Superman blogwave to sully oursleves with that kind of pandering. Speaking of which, here’s a nice photo of actress Erica Durance, who portrays Lois Lane on Smallville:

The government must act now! The Departments of Homeland Security and Defense need to work together to build an orbital wall around the planet. This system should consist of deep space radar satellites to act as an early warning system to detect incoming Kryptonian vessels. Once a Kryptonian is identified, a constellation of kryptonite laser satellites would be used to blast the vessel out of the sky, preventing further illegal immigration and protecting the planet from a possible menace. DoD contractor LuthorCorp already has prototypes of the needed systems, and is ready to start production as soon as the contracts are awarded to them.

Well, that’s just silly, seeing as we know that Krypton was destroyed and there are no more Krptonians likely to come. But what do we do with the existing illegal Kryptonian population?

Let’s not have any of this silly “amnesty” talk. He broke the law coming here. Fighting for Truth, Justice, and the American Way does not put him above the law. He’s a felon. It’s just that simple.

On the other hand, he went to the trouble of learning English and he does appear to have assimilated somewhat…

Via Rand Simberg, who almost inspired me to write an entry entitled “SUPER Jew?” (His title was much better, btw.)

There are 174 million visually impaired people in the world, accounting for approximately 2.6 percent of the population, with around 0.6% being completely blind. We can hardly imagine how overjoyed these people will be to hear of a groundbreaking new device that has been announced by the United States National Federation of the Blind (NFB) – the Kurzweil-NFB Reader. The handheld machine was developed by NFB and renowned inventor Ray Kurzweil, and enables users to take pictures of and read most printed materials. Users hold the device over any print document (such as a letter, bill, restaurant menu, airline ticket, business card, or office memo) and in seconds they hear the contents of the printed document read to them in a clear synthetic voice. Combining a state-of-the-art digital camera with a powerful personal data assistant, the Reader puts the best available character-recognition software together with text-to-speech conversion technology in a single handheld device. “The world of the printed word is about to be opened to the blind in a way it has never been before,” said NFB President Marc Maurer. No other device in the history of technology for the blind and visually impaired has provided quicker access to more information.

One step closer to full-blown electronic vision for the blind.

Hat-tip: El Jef. (Or should that be Jef-El? Hmmmmmm…..)

He also observes that there’s only one thing that can possibly save the New York Times…

At the time, that seemed an awfully farfetched scenario. Now it doesn’t seem to go nearly far enough.

Here’s a prediction for our times.

Phil’s parents used to live in the extremely Smallville-like town of Goddard, Kansas.

Kathy grew up near the real city of Metropolis.

Phil did, too.

Both Stephen and Phil are mild-mannered and wear glasses.

Mike Sargent is a strange visitor from another planet who came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

Hint: There really is a real city of Metropolis.

One professional reviewer wondered why Superman bothers with the Clark Kent persona. It’s true that because this movie was emphasizing Superman, Clark’s role is rather light in this film. But I think Superman Returns explains the need for Clark Kent better than ever before. Hero work, particularly if you are very different from others, is lonely. Sometimes you just want to be a normal guy. Sometimes you want the weight of the world – note the Atlas images in this film – lifted.

I grew up reading what is now called the “silver age” Superman comics. Superman was the real guy and Clark Kent was the disguise. Originally, and today — especially with a show like Smallville out there — it’s understood that Clark is the real guy and Superman is a persona he assumes when he wants to act in a way that’s in keeping with his unique alien heritage. Yes, he has owned the fact that he’s the son of Jor-El and the Last Son of Krypton; but deep down, he sees himself as a guy who grew up on a farm in Kansas.

As an adult, Clark has had to affect mannerisms — clumsiness, cowardice, etc. — that aren’t really him. He does this to protect his true identity from being discovered. There’s no need to protect Superman. He’s protecting his true self — Clark Kent.

Anyhow, that’s how I see it. But the debate goes on. Here’s an opposing view, found in a speech from the movie Kill Bill:

An essential characteristic of the superhero mythology is, there’s the superhero, and there’s the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When he wakes up in the morning, he’s Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic that Superman stands alone. Superman did not become Superman, Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he’s Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red “S”, that’s the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears, the glasses, the business suit, that’s the costume. That’s the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He’s weak, he’s unsure of himself… he’s a coward. Clark Kent is Superman’s critique on the whole human race

Leave it to a sociopath like Bill to get it exactly wrong. Clark conceals great strength and courage with a mild-mannered exterior. He’s kind. He’s honest. He’s decent. If he thought about it in those terms at all, Superman would tell you that Clark Kent is his homage to humanity.

The first question many people will have is whether this movie is a sequel to the Christopher Reeve movies. Well, yes and no. First, forget Superman 3 and 4 (no problem for me, I had already). If this film is a sequel at all, it follows Superman 2.

But it’s more of a impressionistic than literal sequel. The director obviously paid homage to those first two Superman movies but didn’t feel constrained by them. He took what worked from those films and then moved forward. I think it was a good choice.

To me, the most significant change was Lex Luthor. Gene Hackman played Luthor as a sort of super-smart buffoon. This Luthor is darker, but more understandable. He sees himself as Prometheus – stealing the fire of alien technology from a selfish god for the benefit of mortals. If that theft requires the death of a few billion people, well the ends justify the means. And yes, it’s Superman that Lex sees as a selfish god.

These Religious themes, particularly the references to Christ, are impossible to miss. When Lois Lane’s tells Superman that the world doesn’t need a savior, he flies Lois above Metropolis. Floating above the city he says that he hears everything below and “the world is crying out for a savior.”

One professional reviewer wondered why Superman bothers with the Clark Kent persona. It’s true that because this movie was emphasizing Superman, Clark’s role is rather light in this film. But I think Superman Returns explains the need for Clark Kent better than ever before. Hero work, particularly if you are very different from others, is lonely. Sometimes you just want to be a normal guy. Sometimes you want the weight of the world – note the Atlas images in this film – lifted.

I had a friend ask whether this Superman movie was “gay.” Apparently this movie has been embraced by the homosexual community. After seeing the film, I’m not sure why. Maybe gays like this particular actor in the Superman tights – or maybe the new tights. But, no, I didn’t notice any particularly gay themes – unless you count the more universal theme of how an outsider can be a hero. If anything, heterosexuality was necessary to the plot.

Does this movie play well to kids? My 9, 6, and 3-year-old all loved it and said so (and the baby cooed excitedly a couple of times).

There are a several incredible action sequences that kids of all ages will love. The improvement in the special effects since 1980 is very evident in these sequences. Superman moves quicker at times, and simply floats at other times, the physics just seem more believable.

With A+ being the highest possible mark, I give this film an A. You’ll enjoy it.

Your results:

You are Superman

Superman 70% Spider-Man 70% Green Lantern 65% Robin 62% Iron Man 40% Supergirl 40% Catwoman 35% The Flash 35% Wonder Woman 30% Hulk 30% Batman 30%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Via Leviathan Slayer